Tisdagstexten: Lovisa Malmgren Appelqvist

Publicerad Av den 14 Jan 2014 I Övrigt

© Lovisa Malmgren Appelqvist

© Lovisa Malmgren Appelqvist

We had violence

When your hand connected with my skin I read your chart in the stars I saw.

There was violence in us
Not the kind that bruises the unsuspecting
But the unraveling
night battering
scolding the unwanted skin that lied between us like
an invite to walk all over

I walk rubble fields of borderlines trying to find a fist to hammer the beats of dreams I felt too unreal
when the tepid water of emotions started swirling away what was actually good
My black eye has started to fade and the scratch marks on my arms are nothing but hints of scars
at the bottom of the forest of freckles and hairs piling up covering anything but the most socially
acceptable pigmentation
I’m trying to make this easy for you
Putting on make up on the outside and pushing those last restless remnants of your hands down into these burning lungs,
filled with coal mining accidents
Where the fire wont go out
even if we just turn our backs and never speak again

I guess they fit better there
than on my soft outer tissue that tricked you into caring more than your self fulfilling prophecy would allow
So now I carry you in my cells
with bars strong enough to keep those fingers
from digging their way back out and into my hands

There was violence in us
Not the kind that punishes the weak and unintended
But the deep withering shell shattering always more craving one
scorching the unwanted ground
that lied inside us like a long lost thump of a drum that called to arms
flaying legs and heads creased with sweat and the willingly shed blood
that mended so much more of the insides than ever broke in the seam

I talk humble lines of no magnitude trying to figure out how not to introduce too much antidote into
this venomous vains of wishing for other than is, could be.
Would be

We had violence
and in us
were nothing but shredded covers that was left lying about
the causes for all they could muster
but we never cared
but looked the other way and back into the cliches of dark
abysses that we held for eyes.

I still want to immerse my body in the filthy sheets thrown on your bed
filled with fluid and hate like the long lost toy of a child grown bad

We were alienated, stumped out, blowing away
And this was never meant to be else than the dropkicks breaking ribcages open like boxes of archived
adrenaline now surging forward like armies of stampeding wants
This was never meant to be else than the ripping of skin like woven tapestries hung over molding
This was never meant to be else than covering my needs but we had violence in us and now I
see you bend out of your body to look into mine and I fight to run out of equations to take myself out
I wade up to my ankles in entangled wishes and I close my eyes to pretend not to see how those
deep abysses we held for cliches now contain complex algorithms intended to steer us closer to

We had violence.
And this
Is how I leave you

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